IRONMAN Santa Rosa: what I learned when things didn’t go according to plan

Santa Rosa, California.  05.11.2019

People often ask why I compete in endurance events. There are a number of reasons including overall health and weight control, but the biggest reason is because I learn something new about myself each and every time. Ironman Santa Rosa was no exception!

I went into this race with expectations of a total time just over 13 hours, but also knowing I'd been struggling with plantar fasciitis in my left foot and was experiencing a lot of heel pain. So while I felt solid about my plan for the swim and bike, I wasn't exactly sure what to expect on the run portion of the race. When all was said and done I finished the race in slightly under 14.5 hours, and I couldn't be more proud of it even though I was almost 90 minutes slower than my goal time.

You see, I did end up having problems with the heel pain. Not just minor pain, but excruciating pain shooting in my left heel with every step of the marathon. 49,536 steps of pain! But it was in—and due to—that pain that I learned something about myself that day.

I learned that my hopes of being able to completely block the pain and keep running the for entire marathon didn’t hold true.

I also learned that as a result of that pain, I broke down. I'm not talking about the physical breakdown and having to mostly walk for 20 miles of the 26.2 mile run—although that did happen. I'm talking about a massive mental meltdown. 6 miles into the marathon I was so disappointed and in pain and overcome with frustration that I turned into a bawling, blubbering mess out there on the course. Am I proud of that? Not particularly. Am I proud of what came next? Absolutely!!

Walking in pain

What came next is when I learned something about myself. I learned that not only did I have the strength to persevere through the physical pain, but I also had the mental strength to overcome the mental meltdown, pull myself back together, and stick it out for another 20 miles to finish what I started!

I even learned that in spite of the excruciating pain with every step and being way off my original goal, it was still possible to reset with a new goal (sub 14:30) and force myself back into the increased pain of a little more running late in the race to ensure I got that done.

This was the first time in all my 22 years of endurance sports that I've ever had to overcome a mental lapse of that magnitude. I learned I am capable of doing so, and of that I am immensely proud!

FINISHING!!!

In short:  

I broke down.  

I persevered.  

I overcame. 

So what are you, the reader, supposed to take away from reading this?  What I hope you're taking is that it's okay to push yourself to the point of breaking—you'll never know what's on the other side unless you do! I can tell you from personal experience that on May 11, 2019 in Santa Rosa, California at 120.4 miles into a 140.6 mile race, I broke. But that wasn't the story of my day. The story of my day is that I learned I am capable of regrouping and finishing the task at hand. I hope my story gives you the extra push to put yourself out there (in anything you do) and learn the same lesson firsthand.

Ironman. Changed man.

I was a skinny kid. Too skinny! Up to and through high school I was nothing but skin and bones. Then I went from a small town farmboy to a big university where I stopped all exercise and was introduced to unlimited cafeteria buffet food and free flowing beer at fraternity parties. Not surprisingly I got fat. Not obese, but definitely overweight. 

So I went straight from skinny to overweight in a 3 month period and for almost all of my adult life I have been overweight. I drank too much and I ate way too much fast food, processed foods and junk foods. Sure, I ran 4 marathons and completed 2 century rides (100 mile rides) between the ages of 27 and 42, but I was doing it in a pretty unhealthy manner carrying around way too much weight and body fat, but managing to pull off the events anyway.

Then in June of 2012 when I stepped on the scale and saw triple-twos - 222 pounds (at 5'10" tall) I decided I needed to do something! I decided I was going to stop drinking completely, change my diet and get into better shape. As I set off on this journey for better health, I honestly had no idea that 3 years later an Ironman would emerge on the other side, changed both outwardly and inwardly.

At my heaviest in March 2012

I had been intrigued by triathlons for quite some time, but was very intimidated. My only swimming had been a little recreational fun on vacation - usually while consuming a beer or six. But in June I decided to take the plunge (pun intended  :-) ) and try a triathlon. I searched the Dallas area tri listings to find one with a pool swim and settled on the "TWU Pioneer Power Sprint" hosted by Texas Women's University in Denton. It was a 300 meter pool swim, so I knew I wouldn't drown, plus a 16 mile bike and a 5k (3.1 mile) run. So I thought "How bad can it be?" and signed up...

That first one was a doozie! As expected, the swim was a complete disaster. But I didn't drown! It took me almost 10 minutes to swim the 300 meters and I was so zapped from even the short swim that the bike leg was slow, and the run was even slower. But I had a BLAST!!! Even though it was a rough day I wanted more! The very next day I signed up for a group training program with Playtri in Dallas that would culminate in my 2nd triathlon.

After my first tri on 7/29/2012.
If I recall, I had lost about 15 pounds by this point.

The group training program with Playtri was awesome and I met several coaches and other triathletes, both new and experienced. I was really starting to get hooked on the closely knit and supportive nature of the tri community! The race at the end of the group training came and went without much hoopla, other than the fact that it went SO much better than the first one (even with the swim being in an open lake and 750 meters vs only 300 in the first one). I was even more excited to do more triathlons.

To further my goal of doing more tri's and getting into better shape, I signed up for 1-on-1 coaching with David Bertrand in November 2012. David was the leader of the group program for tri #2 that I completed at the end of September and was clearly an amazing coach, someone I had developed a great rapport with, and someone who I knew could get me to the tentative goal that at that point I already knew I hoped to achieve...

I wanted to do an Ironman!    What??!??!!!!?   Yes, I was already thinking big even though I was still big myself and had only done 2 triathlons.

So when I had the initial meeting with David about coaching, we laid out a 3 year plan:

• 2013 - continue weight loss and get better / faster at short distance tri's (Sprint and Olympic)
• 2014 - step up to a Half-Ironman distance (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run)
• 2015 - now, let me make it clear that this one - this one was a "we'll see if it really makes sense" type of goal, but the itch was there and the goal was stated. I wanted to become an Ironman in 2015!

I distinctly remember David saying "John, you are very coachable and I would be honored to coach you through Ironman." I was energized at the thought, but still had no idea if I could really do it or not.

Note:  Coach David has since become one of the co-founders of my current training club - DFW Tri Club - and I transitioned over with him.

2013

2013 passed as expected, with some good success at short tri's and some great success at continued weight loss. By the summer of 2013 I had lost about 50 pounds and was feeling great! Below is a side-by-side comparison of photos taken after I went back to the TWU Pioneer Power Sprint tri and competed in the same race as had been my first triathlon the prior summer and took 22 minutes off my time from the prior year (on a short Sprint race)!

2014

Recall that 2014 was set in the 3 year plan as the year of the Half Ironman (aka Ironman 70.3, representing the 70.3 miles that you cover in the race - 1.2 in the water, 56 on the bike, and 13.1 running). I originally planned on a late summer or early fall race to allow lots of training time up to that distance, but then I saw that some people I knew were registering for Ironman 70.3 Texas (commonly referred to as "Galveston" since it's held on Galveston Island). This race was on April 6 and I couldn't wait to get signed up! After getting the go-ahead from Coach David, I registered and we started training up for it in January.

Even before Galveston race day arrived, I started thinking forward about choosing an Ironman for 2015, but Coach told me to 'hold my horses' and stay focused on getting through my first 70.3 race. Made sense once I thought about it. (Funny how good coaches will do that. Make sense, ya know.)

Galveston race day came and the race went better than I could have ever imagined! I beat my 'dream time' by a couple minutes, finishing the race in 5 hours and 16 minutes. 

I was even more excited about choosing an Ironman! I wanted the race day and location locked in on the calendar so I could keep the goal in my sights.

After more discussion with Coach and with Chris Kraft, who had decided to do the same Ironman I was doing (his first Ironman as well) so we could train together, we landed on the idea of Ironman Boulder. The triathlon mecca of Boulder, Colorado was getting a new Ironman event with the inaugural race to be held on August 3, 2014. Chris and I signed up to volunteer and made plans to go up and volunteer, try some workouts at the ~5300' elevation of Boulder, and then register on-site the day after the race if we were feeling good about it.

We went to Boulder, rode 100 miles of the bike course and did some swimming and running. The workouts went well. We volunteered on race day and felt the energy of an Ironman race. WE REGISTERED!!! It was on! One year to get ready and return to Boulder and become an Ironman!

2015 - The Year of Ironman

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First things first, for anyone who has read this far, but doesn't know what an Ironman is. Back in 1978 when I was a young 8 years old, some folks out in Hawaii were having an argument about which sport created the best overall athletes. One of them said "Hey, why don't we combine the local long distance swim race course, the local long distance bike race course, and local long distance run race course into a single event. Whoever finishes first, we'll call him the Ironman." And thus the Ironman was born and the parameters were set...

140.6 miles total in one day under your own human power (with a 17 hour time limit):

• 2.4 mile swim
• 112 mile bicycle ride
• 26.2 mile run

Almost immediately they began calling anyone completing the distance an "Ironman",
versus just the winner as was originally stated. 
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Training Overview

It's a little tricky to say precisely when training began given the 3 year plan and increasing distance and stamina along the way, but I consider January 1 of this year as the 'official' start to my training. Here is a summary of the training duration and distance I completed from 1/1/15 through 8/1/15 (the day before the race):

Sport	Duration (hours)	Distance (miles)
Swim	51	78
Bike	128	1,881
Run	60	355
Strength	23
TOTAL	261 hours	2,314 miles

Going in, I think I was worried about the training load more than race day itself. But I am very fortunate to have a job that allows lots of flexibility in my schedule, and a coach who really maximized the benefits of every bit of training time to allow me to spend considerably less time training than I had expected (approximately 12 hours per week average during the real 'meat' of the training vs the 16 or more that I was expecting).

Sure, there were times the training got hard, and there were times that I didn't want to do a workout, but I knew I had a goal to achieve and I pushed myself to do them anyway.  At the beginning of the year I put a calendar of the whole year up to race day on the wall of my home office with a black and red Sharpie on strings.  If I followed the training plan for the day I got to put a black X on the day.  If I missed the day or significantly modified the workout I had to put a red X on the day.  This was a huge motivator to have that "accountability wall" staring at me every time I entered the office and not wanting to see any more red than I could possibly managed on it.

The "Accountability Wall" only a few days into the year

Warm-Up Race

On May 3 I did the "Tri Tyler Half" Half Ironman race in Tyler Texas as a warm-up practice event for Ironman Boulder since I had no other race plans for 2015. The only reason I mention it here is because I got my first even podium finish (top 3 in my age group), finishing 2nd in the Male 45-49 age group.

THE RACE!

Race time finally came! We loaded up Chris's SUV on the Tuesday before the race and headed for Boulder where we started getting settled in, doing final course preview swims, rides and runs, final bike checks, athlete check-in, etc, etc. It's amazing how much there is to do and how quickly time passes.

Race morning we got a bit of a surprise when the water temperature was officially measured as 78.1 degrees and "wetsuit optional" meaning that you could still wear a wetsuit and be an official Ironman finisher, but would be disqualified from age group placing and World Championship qualification if you did. I had no delusions of placing or qualifying, but I chose to not wear my wetsuit anyway since I didn't want to look back on the race and think "I bent the rules a little and wore a wetsuit when we really weren't supposed to." (Also, one of my biggest concerns going into the race was getting dehydrated in the dry air and I was afraid I might overheat in the wetsuit.) I estimate swimming without a wetsuit cost me at least 10 minutes on my swim time, but I am still happy with my decision and feel it was the right choice for me. The swim went pretty well overall, but after my longest swim ever I sure was glad to get back on dry land and move on with the rest of the race! 

Me and Chris a few minutes before the start

Exiting the swim

After drying off and changing into cycling shorts, shoes and helmet, I wolfed down a Bonk Breaker PB&J bar, got slathered up with sunscreen by a volunteer, and headed out for the 112 mile bike ride. It was great to see my sister-in-law Kim (who had come all the way from Tulsa to Sherpa, spectate and cheer) as I was coming out of T1 and get a send off from her for the long bike ride. Initially my legs felt dead and my heart rate was soaring, but about 35 miles in I settled into a normal feeling ride. After my heart rate dropped I was a little concerned about running the ol' ticker a little higher than planned for the first couple hours, so I kept it at a very conservative rate the rest of the way through the ride. This was my first Ironman and I still had an entire marathon to run after I got off the bike. This day was about crossing the finish line, not about pushing the pace!

My favorite photo from the bike leg of the race

After completing the ride, it was time to change shorts and shoes again and head out to run a marathon. After a 114.4 mile swim/bike warmup! No big deal, right? 

This is where the Ironman gets hard. Very good athletes and very fit people and very experienced Ironmen can melt down on the Ironman marathon. Stomach's get tired of sugar and carb loaded sport drinks and gel packets. GI systems throw a fit. Despite best efforts, bodies get dehydrated and muscles cramp. This is when it gets freakin' tough and you have to overcome with pure willpower!

So I set off on the run and saw Kim and one of her twins (Luke, if I remember right) just as I entered the run course. It was awesome to stop and chat with her a few seconds, and then on with the run. It started just like the ride - my heart rate was soaring. Stay calm, John! Keep it slow. Walk through the aid stations and get in plenty of fluids. It will be okay. This day is about crossing the finish line, not about pushing the pace!

After about 6 miles my heart rate settled down and actually went lower than normal for the rest of the run. The pace felt good, but my heart rate said I was going too easy. Should I be going harder? Should I push the pace a little? Nope! Steady! This day is about crossing the finish line, not about pushing the pace!

About 18.5 miles into the run the first real problem of the day surfaced. I got stomach cramps. Keep running, John. You can do this! I reached mile 20 - only a 10k left - but I felt like I was going to throw up if I did anything other than walk. Keep walking, John. You can do this! This day is about crossing the finish line, not about pushing the pace!

I reached the aid station at mile 20.5 and knew I needed some solid foods in me. All I had eaten since before getting on the bicycle were liquids. Yeah, they were liquids loaded up with calories and electrolytes, but just liquids nonetheless. I knew I needed some solid foods and plain old water, so I ate some pretzels and a mini Cliff Bar and downed 2 or 3 cups of water. Can I keep running? Can I at least keep walking? You can do this, John! This day is about crossing the finish line, not about pushing the pace!

Praise be to God, I rebounded within a minute or two! My heart rate was still much lower than expected and I was almost cold, but my stomach settled down and I felt like running again. You can do this, John! This day is about crossing the finish line, not about pushing the pace!

I am going to be an Ironman! That's when it hit me. At 21 miles into the marathon I knew I had it. I knew I was going to make my goal.

The rest of the way went pretty smoothly. I saw my brother Mark and one of the twins with only about 3 miles left and told him "My heart rate is strangely low, but I'm going to finish this thing! Very soon!!" and off I went to run the final stretch, which passed without incident.

As I turned off Boulder Creek Path and onto the city streets to run that final 1/4 mile to the finish I was on pure adrenaline and already smiling ear-to-ear. I was within a few mere feet of becoming an Ironman! I felt like a celebrity as I entered the finish chute those final 2 blocks. People were screaming. I was high-fiving people as I ran by. There's Chris Kraft (already finished). And Kara Williams and her husband Chris - out from Denver to watch. Yell "hi" to them and keep on running. I'm hauling ass for the finish line now! (Of course when I looked back at the data recorded by my Garmin GPS watch I wasn't really going all that fast. Haha!)

Now I'm actually stepping onto the famed carpet of the Ironman finish... You are there, John! Smile for the camera. Don't screw up the finish line photos. Listen for your name being called...

And then it happened --- it was almost as if time were standing still as I heard my name being announced...

"John Lauer from Dallas, Texas...

JOHN, YOU'RE AN IRONMAN!!!"

I did it!!! I had completed an Ironman triathlon and joined a very small group of people who can call themselves an Ironman!

Me and Chris after the finish holding signs Kim, Mark, Blake and Luke had made

Accountability Wall after achieving the goal!

Ironman = A Changed Man

On August 2, 2015, I became an Ironman.  Wow, what an amazing journey!  As you have seen from the photos, my appearance was radically changed through the process:

  

What does not show in the photos is the change inside that is just as significant.

I have a Master's degree and a good job and career. I have been very blessed and am a successful person by most measures. But I have always felt inadequate from a physical perspective. I was never good at team sports and have never felt good about how my body looked and all of this affected my self-esteem.

It has only been 1 1/2 weeks since I became an Ironman and only time will tell how profound the change is over time, but for now I am truly a changed man because of it. I feel good about myself and feel like I can accomplish anything! As I walk around and see others who I think look good or successful, I find myself thinking "Yeah, but I bet they haven't done an Ironman." This isn't a knock on them (or anyone else who hasn't) or thinking that I am better than anyone because I have done one. It's simply a reflection of my heightened level of self-confidence and a reminder to myself that I can accomplish virtually anything I set my mind on if I am truly committed to the goal! 

I have, after all, carried through with a 3 year plan, breaking old ingrained habits and completely changing my lifestyle along the way.


I realized only after having crossed the finish line that this journey wasn't about being fat or thin or recognition or what anyone else thinks about me. It was about setting a huge long-term goal, carrying through with it and feeling good about myself for having done so! The physical changes were only a side benefit.

Dream your dreams, whatever they are.

Then make them come true!!